is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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