is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
