woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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