someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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