Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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