I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
