Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
