WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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