He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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