Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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