Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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