did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
