so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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