Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
