Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
