you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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