can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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