Sry I called you an 8
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can text with my tongue
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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