dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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