I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Found the puke drawer
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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