the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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