Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
