Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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