Soap is not a condiment
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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