after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
