Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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