He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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