I will die if light touches me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
