and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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