i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
