I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
