my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
