Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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