I just threw up on my dentist
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
