He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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