Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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