Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm at about main and main street
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the liver wants what the liver wants
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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