You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
