I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The best revenge is premature balding
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
