Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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