Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.

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  (650): hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america. http://tfl.nu/xe1m
  Replies (7) Good night (2754) Bad night (836)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

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  (218): i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette. http://tfl.nu/f90v
  Replies (77) Good night (4679) Bad night (912)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

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  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (1235) Bad night (5005)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm

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  (702): Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm http://tfl.nu/d1by
  Replies (1) Good night (2088) Bad night (704)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual

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  (864): she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual http://tfl.nu/fkyx
  Replies (3) Good night (1376) Bad night (812)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.

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  (870): Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good. http://tfl.nu/i8bn
  Replies (3) Good night (2329) Bad night (625)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.

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  (302): She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment. http://tfl.nu/lapr
  Replies (17) Good night (581) Bad night (3142)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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  (678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1
  Replies (5) Good night (1277) Bad night (528)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.

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  (512): I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air. http://tfl.nu/cigy
  Replies (8) Good night (1930) Bad night (502)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers

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  (484): I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers http://tfl.nu/srrb
  Replies (4) Good night (861) Bad night (518)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.

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  (417): I rocked my own world, he was just a prop. http://tfl.nu/bt1f
  Replies (4) Good night (1615) Bad night (449)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure

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  (413): She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure http://tfl.nu/04x9
  Replies (4) Good night (640) Bad night (317)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...

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  (302): OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but... http://tfl.nu/stjw
  Replies (6) Good night (826) Bad night (361)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.

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  (816): Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on. http://tfl.nu/u2o1
  Replies (13) Good night (1979) Bad night (479)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?

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  (206): She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What? http://tfl.nu/e1z9
  Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (286)

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