Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
