I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.