and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.