Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.