note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.