Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  How wet are you?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  Ever heard of a U-boat?

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  (908): How wet are you? (1-908): Ever heard of a U-boat? http://tfl.nu/c25g
  Replies (16) Good night (3850) Bad night (562)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.

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  (651): she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks. http://tfl.nu/ad27
  Replies (16) Good night (4366) Bad night (786)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders

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  (248): so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders http://tfl.nu/1b2g
  Replies (21) Good night (4409) Bad night (1112)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.

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  (573): my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake. http://tfl.nu/nq7t
  Replies (49) Good night (2241) Bad night (4532)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep

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  (303): I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep http://tfl.nu/pnlq
  Replies (21) Good night (1381) Bad night (4770)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.

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  (502): Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit. http://tfl.nu/13ky
  Replies (9) Good night (2452) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.

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  (647): the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is. http://tfl.nu/ndxc
  Replies (8) Good night (4451) Bad night (805)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him

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  (416): He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him http://tfl.nu/ykad
  Replies (12) Good night (2502) Bad night (961)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa

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  (972): honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa http://tfl.nu/ld2g
  Replies (7) Good night (1489) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.

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  (318): Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius. http://tfl.nu/se02
  Replies (7) Good night (1337) Bad night (484)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(

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  (419): She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :( http://tfl.nu/482z
  Replies (3) Good night (348) Bad night (747)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.

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  (856): I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick. http://tfl.nu/i37m
  Replies (5) Good night (727) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.

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  (770): No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/74tv
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (451)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn

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  (703): Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn http://tfl.nu/hyg6
  Replies (1) Good night (294) Bad night (443)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.

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  (214): Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me. http://tfl.nu/wbcl
  Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (394)

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