god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
