She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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