A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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