Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
is that a dick in a sweater?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
