I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
