I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
