it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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