btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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