the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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