Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
