I've blown a few things in my day
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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