WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
