Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
is it fun? or sober?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
