1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
