Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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