FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
