yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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