What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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