But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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