It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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