Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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