i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
