Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
