I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
