is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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