If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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