It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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