So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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