I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
