It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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